Today (June 11, 2026), I was reminded of how often adults unintentionally turn children into performers. 

A child was asked questions like these throughout the day:

"What colour is this?"

"Can you say this?"

"Show everyone."

While these questions were well-intentioned, I found myself noticing something different. The child already knew many of the answers. She could sort colours correctly, point to them, and name them during play. What seemed difficult was not the knowledge itself, but being asked to perform it on demand in front of adults.

When the focus shifted away from testing and toward play, something changed. The same child who hesitated when asked questions became engaged, curious, and expressive. She laughed, coloured, explored toys, and eagerly shared discoveries. The knowledge was there all along. It simply emerged under different conditions.

This experience reminded me that understanding and performance are not the same thing.

As adults, we often ask children to demonstrate what they know so that we can feel reassured about their development. Yet children are constantly communicating what they know through action, play, exploration, and experimentation. If we are willing to pay attention, we may discover that they are already showing us the answer.
I was also struck by how much learning occurs through simple scaffolding. Showing a child where a button is located, helping them discover how a toy works, or demonstrating how to open a cup does not require taking over the task. A small amount of support can allow a child to experience competence for themselves.

Perhaps most importantly, I was reminded that children do not always need another evaluator. Sometimes they need someone willing to join them in their world.

A child who feels safe enough to laugh, play, make mistakes, and explore is often learning far more than a child who is focused on producing the correct answer.

This is not an argument against teaching. Rather, it is a reminder that learning and relationship are not separate processes. Children frequently learn best when they feel seen rather than assessed.

The challenge for adults may be to ask fewer questions designed to test knowledge and more questions born from curiosity.